THE RIGHT TIME TO WRITE
The streets of San Francisco were oddly empty, suspiciously quiet, with none of the incessant honking, constant tire screeching and sirens screaming for help. The nasty exhaust from the cars no longer filled the air. Instead, the air was crystal clear, and the sound of chirping birds could be heard everywhere. We were in the beginning of a Pandemic and everything around us came to complete halt.
Absolute silence. Complete separation. Total isolation. Time halted. However, little did I know the precious gift that would also accompany all the Pandemic brought to me.
A little background about me:
Born in Vallejo, CA, and raised in Kansas City, Kansas, I found myself approaching 50 and having to rebuild and reinvent myself. From a dramatic and traumatic severing of all that was comfortable and familiar, safe and significant, I relocated to the San Francisco Bay Area and began pursuing one of my childhood dreams – teaching.
My passion for teaching is evidenced in the work done as a teacher and school counselor for the San Francisco Unified District for 20 years; as a lecturer for San Francisco State University with over 25 years of teaching and preparing upcoming school psychologists; and instructor for Alive & Free Omega Boys Club, a nonprofit organization designed to keep young people off the street, alive and free from incarceration as well as learning how to achieve the dream of education, career growth and achievement. At Alive & Free-Omega Boys Club, I developed and continue to teach the curriculum for keeping young people Alive & Free, while also teaching the Alive & Free College Prep class, where young people hone in on their writing skills. I believe every young person can make better choices for their lives with the proper guidance, role models, good information and inspiration from a caring adult with the capacity to love. That’s me-Ms. Estell, as I am affectionately known, not only as the instructor, but also the co-host for Street Soldiers Radio on 106.1 KMEL/iHeartRadio, and a licensed marriage & family therapist. In class I teach, train and transform the lives of all of my students by guiding them to look inside and trust themselves. As co-host for Street Soldiers Radio, where callers ring in live, I provide validation to thoughts, experiences and create an on-the-spot summary, which closes out the show, in poetry.
THE PANDEMIC’S GIFT
Who knew with all the pain and sadness brought on by the Pandemic, it would also bring a gift, an awakening to the awareness of time, and the availability to pursue a long-forgotten dream of mine, to write and publish a book.
For as long as I can remember, I have been a storyteller- some elaborate, some funny and always with a message because if you know me, I will always leave you thinking and with a message.
I would create and share children’s stories with my children to motivate and inspire them. During trying times in my life or my family’s, I would write poetry with solutions to the challenges we all faced. I was always filled with ideas, recommendations and solutions to help others see more clearly, and then, hopefully, choose to turn things around for the better.
It was a secret to no one that one day, I would eventually write a book,
My son, who was with me at the onset of Covid-19, asked me, “When are you gonna to write your book?” Having been accustomed to putting my dreams on hold until the time was right, I countered with another question.
“When are you going to get your ‘coding’ career started?”
I had already retired from two jobs and in my mind, it was clearly his turn, as well as his time – not mine. But that only unleashed something inside me I did not expect. An internal voice, the voice that has guided and kept me, protected and inspired me, lifted and led me, encouraged and held me all of my life, gently whispered to me, . . . “It’s Time.”
Even though I knew I was alone in my special space, I looked around to make sure I was truly alone. I was, yet not.
My resistance rose with reminders and reasons to let this dream pass me by again, to keep waiting for the ‘right’ time. Fresh out of excuses or reasons, I found myself digging through a cardboard box, pulling out a full journal (a gift from my school psychology graduate students in 2001). When I opened it, there was a note,
“Write the book.”
This was my reminder, this was the ‘right time to write’.
I thumbed through the journal and found snip-its of my life’s journey, written in poetic form. The process began.
I began sorting through and pulling out those poems that told a bit of my journey… a journey that brought me to this place in my life today.
Getting there was more than a notion, riddled with questions, judgements and more questions. Was it too late? Was I too old? Too bold? Too serious? Too boring? Too sad? Were the contents too long? Too little? Too simple?
Ultimately, for me, it was about trust, trusting the guidance within.
This time was the ‘right’ time.
GETTING THERE
How often do we talk ourselves out of the desires, dreams and hopes that we have?
How often have we looked outside of ourselves and make the determination that we are past our prime?
If only I were younger. If only I had started this sooner. If only I had listened to the voice inside instead of the voices coming from the outside.
And even more importantly, what if those dreams and desires to do that ‘something’ making a difference in the world, or the lives of others, did not come from us, but rather came to us, from a place ‘beyond’ us.
And just what if, our life’s journey, at this ‘wonderful time’ in our lives, has been preparation for this very thing-empowering and encouraging us to reach inside and unapologetically fulfill that passion to write, to sing, or whatever it may be- because it is that very thing which empowered me to actualize my passion, my dream; to write and publish my first book where I am honest, vulnerable and done unapologetically: ‘My UnSpoken Heart’, a collection of poems that will move you through your life’s journey.
Beautiful Beautiful Beautiful woman of God. Congratulations. 🌹
To be continued, is a must my sister
“My Unspoken Heart” spoke volumes to many. As you reflect on what you have accomplished thus for, I pray God will reveal to you the next chapter of your journey. A Time & Season!! To be continued…..
Ms. Estell has a gift for asking the right questions that bring clarity and wisdom to those fortunate to learn from her. She uses her keen listening skills, years of counseling experience, and deep spirituality to help others examine their own hearts and respond appropriately. She is an astute guide for travelers.
Yes I am honored to know Ms Estell as a friend and Soror. “My Unspoken Heart” I’m sure is just the beginning.
Thank you for sharing yourself and inspiring others.